Elves of the Orient

by

According to the Financial Times, the United States is running a record $214 bn trade deficit with China. This widening gap will supposedly pressure the Secretary of the Treasury, Hank Paulson, into asking Beijing to appreciate their currency. Why?

Nothing could be better for the American consumer than to continue our current trade relationship with China. In fact, if I were a man of great influence and power, I would wish for a further devaluation of the RMB. The trade deficit exists because the Chinese send us stuff and in return they receive bits of green paper. This paper is then stacked and locked behind several feet of steel in a very large vault.

One morning as Lou Dobbs is walking out of his house to retrieve his morning paper, he stops to admire the sunrise. To his complete surprise, the sky is full of Chinese bombers. The bomb bay doors open. To his shock and horror, stereos, appliances, and other consumer electronics slowly parachute to the earth. The Chinese are not here to deliver hot fiery death; their purpose being far more sinister. They are dumping. Lou falls to his knees and throwing his hands in the air he weeps for America.

Imagine the worst case scenario, the Chinese refuse to take our currency and instead start catapulting goods onto American soil. These sadistic Christmas elves resolve to not stop their bombardment until our wish lists are emptied. The trade deficit reaches infinite proportions. Everyone loses their job. Corrupt Chicago politicians dance upon Wal-Mart’s corpse.

The horror. The horror.

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